I seriously considered having the theme of this blog be about a family who has a child with diabetes. I decided that although there will certainly be plenty of posts about that I didn't want it to define who we are. Even though I could put something about it every day, I will resist. I want to focus on the good and virtuous, and by good in the case of diabetes I mean the learning that takes place on many levels and by virtuous I mean the patience and grace with which my son deals with this challenge every day.
For the second night in a row I will be checking Taylor's blood every couple of hours. He has had two days of being extremely high--most of the time. He had several lows this morning. In April he started using an insulin pump. It is supposed to make his life easier. And in many ways it does. He doesn't have to give himself four or more shots every day and he/I don't have to do as many calculations each day, but it is a man made device and it is imperfect. His blood sugar was over 400 (which by the way is really, really high; the goal is to have him from 80-150) at 9:00 when he went to bed. His pump was supposed to administer a correction dose of insulin to bring it down. I checked again at 11:00 to see if it was coming down. It wasn't. In fact, it had gone up and was something over 500. Our glucose meter doesn't register anything above 500 with a number, it simply says, "high." When I checked him then it said, "high." There is no way to know if he actually received the insulin, so a few moments ago I gave him an old fashioned injection with a needle and a syringe. I saw the small amount of life-sustaining fluid flow out of the syringe and into his body. He cried. It doesn't always hurt, but tonight it did. My heart hurts.
He is sleeping, but I am wondering if it is worth it for me to even try to sleep when I have to check his blood in an hour and a half. I have to make sure it is dropping, but not too much. There is a lot of science and precision involved with the management of type 1 diabetes, but there is an equal part of trial and error and going with your gut feeling. Technically he is not supposed to get a correction dose in less than three hour increments, but my gut said give him some now--after only two hours. Probably not too remarkable of a decision since his bg had gone up rather than down since the 9:00 dosing.
I am grateful for a the knowledge and resources we have that keeps my son alive. I am also grateful for a dear neighbor, Kim, who has had diabetes since she was 12. She is an active healthy adult who has four beautiful, healthy children. She lives a full life. My first experience with diabetes and pregancy and child birth came for watching "Steel Magnolias," not exactly uplifting. I am glad to know her, she has been a great support. She gives me hope.
Hope is sometimes hard to come by. Other times it is all we have. Right now I am hoping that when I check Taylor's bg in an hour it is 200ish. If it is I will likely go to bed and go to sleep with another hope that he won't drop below 80 before he wakes up in the morning. I hope that I will be prompted by the Holy Ghost, which is much more reliable than my own gut, to help him if he needs it. I hope that the Holy Ghost will prompt him and keep him safe and alive. I hope that God wants him to outlive me and that He wants him to grow up, go on a mission, get married, have a family, an enriching career and a long life of service to God. I hope he will serve and inspire the people around him. Oh wait, he's already done that! I hope that I am worthy to be his mother, that my worry over him doesn't make him crazy and that my other children will learn to have hope and to trust that God is in charge and that He truly is in the details of our lives.
For the second night in a row I will be checking Taylor's blood every couple of hours. He has had two days of being extremely high--most of the time. He had several lows this morning. In April he started using an insulin pump. It is supposed to make his life easier. And in many ways it does. He doesn't have to give himself four or more shots every day and he/I don't have to do as many calculations each day, but it is a man made device and it is imperfect. His blood sugar was over 400 (which by the way is really, really high; the goal is to have him from 80-150) at 9:00 when he went to bed. His pump was supposed to administer a correction dose of insulin to bring it down. I checked again at 11:00 to see if it was coming down. It wasn't. In fact, it had gone up and was something over 500. Our glucose meter doesn't register anything above 500 with a number, it simply says, "high." When I checked him then it said, "high." There is no way to know if he actually received the insulin, so a few moments ago I gave him an old fashioned injection with a needle and a syringe. I saw the small amount of life-sustaining fluid flow out of the syringe and into his body. He cried. It doesn't always hurt, but tonight it did. My heart hurts.
He is sleeping, but I am wondering if it is worth it for me to even try to sleep when I have to check his blood in an hour and a half. I have to make sure it is dropping, but not too much. There is a lot of science and precision involved with the management of type 1 diabetes, but there is an equal part of trial and error and going with your gut feeling. Technically he is not supposed to get a correction dose in less than three hour increments, but my gut said give him some now--after only two hours. Probably not too remarkable of a decision since his bg had gone up rather than down since the 9:00 dosing.
I am grateful for a the knowledge and resources we have that keeps my son alive. I am also grateful for a dear neighbor, Kim, who has had diabetes since she was 12. She is an active healthy adult who has four beautiful, healthy children. She lives a full life. My first experience with diabetes and pregancy and child birth came for watching "Steel Magnolias," not exactly uplifting. I am glad to know her, she has been a great support. She gives me hope.
Hope is sometimes hard to come by. Other times it is all we have. Right now I am hoping that when I check Taylor's bg in an hour it is 200ish. If it is I will likely go to bed and go to sleep with another hope that he won't drop below 80 before he wakes up in the morning. I hope that I will be prompted by the Holy Ghost, which is much more reliable than my own gut, to help him if he needs it. I hope that the Holy Ghost will prompt him and keep him safe and alive. I hope that God wants him to outlive me and that He wants him to grow up, go on a mission, get married, have a family, an enriching career and a long life of service to God. I hope he will serve and inspire the people around him. Oh wait, he's already done that! I hope that I am worthy to be his mother, that my worry over him doesn't make him crazy and that my other children will learn to have hope and to trust that God is in charge and that He truly is in the details of our lives.
I must comment on this post! Taylor is my hero. So are you! I have always admired you, and I see so many of the same qualities in the two of you. Taylor is so strong, loving, caring, cheerful. I am proud of the way he handles the trials in his life. He has inspired me.
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