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"Mom, Remember You Have 5 Kids Too"

Yesterday I was sustained to an additional calling, not a replacement. One of my friends, Corrine Prestwich was sitting in front of me and turned around and said,"So, I guess they saw five minutes left in your schedule and decided to fill it up." She knows of about my various hats I'll be wearing for the next year or more. I hadn't actually heard what she said so I just smiled and nodded, but Destry did and mentioned it when we got home. I had a good laugh mostly because she is one of the most busy, involved people I know. 

Emma was sitting there listening to the conversation and piped in with, "Mom remember you have 5 kids too."  The kids had not known about the new calling, so hearing my name come across the pulpit was a surprise to them. They wanted to know if I was going to be released from Primary. I think my Primary girls like having me there. I said that I wasn't. 

I have been thinking about her comment from the moment she said it, including all night long. I want to finish this post as a letter to my sweet daughter who has been the most distressed of all my kids about my getting a job.

Dear Emma,

Words cannot begin to express how much I love you and your sisters and brothers! You mean more to me than my own life. Everything I do, I do with you in mind. Everything. Even when I am not acting like Mary Poppins, "practically perfect" I am aware of you and your needs. I am sorry for my mistakes, but I want you to know that every decision I have ever made for the last 18 years has been with my children in mind. 

I said, "Yes," to the PTA position because I wanted to make a difference for you. I want you to see me working in the school on your behalf, as well as for the other kids there. I want you to know that volunteering in the community is important. It allows us to have a say, to be informed, and most importantly to serve. Service is a theme in my Patriarchal Blessing, and the purpose of Christ's life. Everything He did was for the benefit of someone else. He took time to Spiritually recharge and grow closer to His Father, but all that He did was four you and for me. I want to follow Him.

I say "Yes," to church callings because I have faith that the our leaders are inspired by God to invite certain people to serve in a certain capacity at a Divinely appointed time.Now is my time to be in Primary and on the Stake Relief Society Board. Again, I get to serve. You get to watch me. I got to spend the last year and a half of your Primary time with you. It was a blessing to me and I hope it was to you. I get to see you grow in Young Women's with leaders called of God to be there with you. 

I said "Yes," to the job opportunity because every time I paid the bills and there was barely enough to cover them, but not enough for the new shoes that you need because you have been wearing yours for so long they are falling apart, or because I can't buy you a new dress since you have grown so much and you have to wear the one that still fits. We can't go out to eat or on a vacation because there simply isn't enough funds to do that. 

I hope you will see that even moms can learn and grow. This job has been a learning experience for me. I know it will help me to grow and to become better. It will require some changes for our family, even some sacrifices by everyone. But we can work together and become closer and better because of it. Making sacrifices are not bad, we are learning to like our Savior who sacrificed His life for us.

The Lord takes care of us, we have gotten everything that we need, and right now we need for me to work so we can have a little more money to help our family be comfortable. I have had lots of emotions about this job. Gratitude. Guilt. Excitement. Fear. Peace. I know that the Lord will always be with us even when things are hard. You can ask Him to be with you and help you and give you peace. He does not always take away our problems, but He does make us stronger and allow us to feel His love. I know that you now have to help with with the laundry and with looking after your sisters, but I know that you can do it. 

Please know that I will always be there for you too. Sometimes you will have to ask. I cannot always know what you need. I am now and will always be a mom first. I have you and Estelle and Sarah and Taylor and Spencer in my mind and heart at all times. I pray for you and think of you every day. 

Thank you for loving me and for being my daughter. I could not be more grateful that we get to go through this life together. And that we get to be sealed as mother and daughter for eternity. I am so proud of the young woman you are becoming. I have loved seeing your excitement as you have begun middle school. This is a big step for you and you are handling it beautifully. Thank you for all you do for our family. 

Remembering that I have five kids too is what I do. It really is what I live for and why I do all of the other things that I do. What is important is that you know that. If you don't then that is what I need to convey to you. I will work on that and I hope that you will recognize it. 

Love,
Mom

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