The calendar for the day was pretty full, but not unusually so. It required Destry and I to "divide and conquer" so to speak. First and foremost it was Estelle's 14th birthday! We had early celebrations in anticipation for her actual day of birth's schedule. We had a family party a few weeks ago when we also celebrated for Sarah. On Friday she went shopping with a group of friends and had a lot of fun doing that.
She didn't get to choose her breakfast because Destry and I planned a breakfast that morning for the kids in our trek group. Only one showed up which was a little disappointing, but not surprising. There is a lot going on this month. Estelle wanted crepes and Destry wanted to make his signature breakfast sandwiches. The good news is she will still get crepes and a chance to make birthday celebrations last a little longer.
Estelle had her last studio dance competition in Roy and Destry spent the day with her at that. She did great, they went to lunch together and picked up a friend on the way home to celebrate a little more. Her team did very well to end the season.
I have let my three older children participate in social media when the turned 14. I had told Estelle several months ago that I have grown wiser and was concerned about her mental health and safety and I was considering having her wait a bit longer. She is struggling with things right now and I have had to make some compromises along the way. I agreed to Instagram only, a private account, and only friends. She was not allowed to follow groups or individuals that she didn't know. She agreed and knew that I would be monitoring her.
Shortly after she and Destry left to go to the competition at 11:00 a.m. I got onto Instagram to follow her. I was shocked to see that she had 193 followers after having just set up her account that morning! Her account was indeed private, but I apparently didn't define what a "friend" was. A 14 year old may indeed be acquainted with nearly 200 people, but they are certainly not actual friends. I was thinking she would have maybe 50 followers including family members! I am not looking forward the conversation that we will be having soon.
Spencer spent the day instructing at the track and went to a wedding reception for a high school friend that night. Taylor went on a 4-wheeler ride to celebrate the beautiful spring weather along with everyone else in the area who owns an ATV. They didn't require anything special from me and both returned home "safe and sound."
Emma went to Morp. She had been planning it for weeks with a friend, Zoe. She was really excited about all of the "day date" activities that were planned, but was not excited at all about the actual dance. She feels awkward and insecure dancing. Fortunately for her they only ended up spending 15 minutes at the dance because the schedule earlier in the day took longer than anticipate and it turns out the music was not dance worthy and everyone was happy to leave early even though they had arrived late.
Sometime between 5 and 5:30 my cell phone rang with the ID reading "private caller." I chose to decline it the first time, but when I received another call immediately afterward I answered. A man identified himself as a highway patrol and quickly (and wisely) mentioned that everything was okay. He proceeded to tell me that he had pulled over a silver Dodge Durango going 95 MPH, which was 30 miles over the speed limit. Not only that, the driver of the car has a different name than I do, but told the officer that it was just fine and that he had been given permission to drive. The officer asked if I had insurance for him and if it was indeed fine. It was indeed not fine; he received no permission to be driving my car, nor did I have insurance for him. I was told the my daughter was in the passenger seat.
I thanked him profusely when he said he thought that as a parent I would want to know. Since, you know, 95 MPH and 6 teenagers is a recipe for disaster. The excuse given for driving so fast was that he was distracted by the music and the other people in the car. I told the officer that I would be calling my daughter immediately and he said that he would be there for another few minutes issuing a citation to the driver.
After hanging up, I immediately called Emma, whom I half expected to be in tears for being pulled over. She was not only not in tears, but didn't seem to fully understand the potential danger they had been in. She told me that she didn't want to drive through the canyon, I-80, from Salt Lake to Park City so her date drove. When I mentioned the distraction, her reply was, "He wasn't that distracted; he wasn't turning around talking to the kids in the back." I feel like I have overestimated her rationality in the past, but because of some things she has said and done in the last few moths since she has found a new friend group, I am changing my mind. The friends, incidentally, are good kids. They all just have underdeveloped brains.
She said she had been having a good time with her friends. I said that she needed to drive the rest of the time and that she had one job, DRIVE, pay attention and be aware the the lives of 5 other humans were in her hands. She was to text me when she left the cabin they were driving to in Heber City and again when she arrived at the dance at Westlake High School. I told her to go through Provo Canyon, which would also be quicker, and not I-80. She assured me that she would and that all would be well.
After I hung up with her I called Destry to let him know and I gave Estelle a heads up on the future paring down of her Instagram list. Destry talked to her a little bit about it and I think she dropped about 25 people, which is a start, but not nearly enough.
Sarah has been a part of a small singing/dancing group since last fall. The past few weeks have been torture for her. She has really lost interest and has even dreaded going. I probably would have let her quit except that before I signed her up I asked about performance dates knowing that Sarah's school play would be performing and May as would this group. They were very accommodating and went to great lengths to make sure that their performances were not on the same days as her play's. Her first performance was that night in the backyard of the director. Most of the kids in the class are significantly younger than she is, they sing with a recording, and the dancing is a bit juvenile. I can see why she didn't love it. She only has to go one more time on Monday at a retirement home. We will take the family for FHE because I was the only one who watched her on Saturday. She really doesn't want them to come, but they will be.
To finish up the rest of the day's story, I need to backtrack to Thursday. I visited my aunt Karen in a rehab facility in Lehi that day. She has been in and out of the hospital and rehab a couple of times since December, including a week in ICU this most recent time. She has several things going on with her, simply, she is aging and her body is wearing out. She has dementia, but not so badly that she doesn't recognize people. Her short-term memory is failing her a bit. She seemed to be improving some since I had seen her a few days earlier, but her quality of life is not very quality and it is not likely to improve much.
After visiting Karen,I thought to myself that I hadn't seen my aunt Neva for several weeks and decided to pay her and Kristy a visit.. When I went it wasn't really a convenient time, but I didn't put off the thought. I stayed longer than was probably practical since I had kids to transport, dinner to prepare, and mutual to attend. I was, however, uplifted by my visit. I was glad I had gone and everything else I needed to do that day got done.
Around midday on Friday I got a call from Kristy telling me that she thought her mother had had another stroke and had fallen in the bathroom and had probably broken her arm as it was turned and twisted in an unnatural position. She said that Neva was on her way to Utah Valley Hospital in Provo via ambulance and that she would soon be following. After a battery of tests it was determined that she did indeed have a stroke and that both shoulders were broken. She was in a lot of pain in ICU, but was only given Tylenol. She had been given a strong blood thinner that caused her brain to bleed and could also cause hemorrhaging elsewhere in her body so the drug was stopped. Neva has already had several other strokes and heart attacks. She had a "do not resuscitate" order in place and had received hospice care at home until December of last year following a heart attack; however, her health improved enough that she was removed. She is currently in the hospice section of the hospital receiving comfort medications, but no life-saving implements.
I had been texting and Marco Polo messaging family members throughout the day on Saturday. Wendy, Karen's daughter, wondered if we could go to visit Neva together Saturday night. I had considered going myself on Sunday morning because it would be fairly late before I would be able to go because of Sarah's concert and I felt like I had had a full enough day. Wendy had talked to Kristy and she didn't care if we came that night or on Sunday, Wendy wouldn't be able to go until Sunday afternoon, and Destry encouraged me to go on Saturday. So, at 8:30 p.m. I picked up Wendy in Lehi and drove to Provo. I was glad to spend time with her. I visit her mother frequently, but Wendy is always at work when I go. Wendy carries the heavy burden of caring for her mother and has done for several years. The two have not ever lived apart. It was good to catch up and enjoy her company.
Neva had just been taken up to her room in the hospice section from the ICU shortly before Wendy and I arrived. The nurse was giving information and instructions to Kristy, Michael, and Kira. Neva was awake and alert. She was not able to talk, but could nod her head "yes," or "no" in response to questions. I asked her a few things and told her I loved her and that I was so glad I got to see her on Thursday when she was in a lot better shape. Her eyes showed love and gratitude that we were there and I am so glad that we got there when we did. She was in a lot of pain from her fractures. The nurse gave her a couple of medications which helped ease the pain, but also made her go to sleep. She slept for most of the time we were there. She will not likely wake up again. We were told that hearing is the last thing to go and she will be able to hear even if she is unresponsive. I remember being told this when we said our goodbyes to my grandma Bleak. Even so, I feel so very blessed and happy to have arrived in time to look into her eyes and have her return the gaze.
I ended the day by talking with Emma about hers. She beat me home. I had an eventful day, with many lessons learned or reiterated. Here are the day's take aways:
Birthdays require days long celebrations
Estelle is 14
It is good to have two parents when multiple children need support at the same time in different locations
Being part of a group or team is good for the soul
Social media is can be a volatile part of our lives, but keeps us connected to people we wouldn't otherwise associate with regularly
Moms and teens communicate differently
We have different definitions of the same words
Parents need to be very specific when talking to teens and need to think of any possible consequences when moving into new territory
Driving on a race track can be safer than the highway
Driving an ATV in the sunshine is good for the soul and possibly safer than a car on the highway
When giving a teenager the keys to your car, always make sure they know they are the only person who is allowed to drive it
Highway patrol officers have our backs, are looking out for our kids, and kindly inform parents of dangerous circumstances
We have a lot of silver cars
The human brain can process and think a lot of information in a millisecond. Between the time the officer said the words "silver" and "Durango" I thought, "Oh no! What did Spencer do--silver Miata at the race track; Taylor drives a silver car, but he is here right now?"
Dating is fun
Friends are fun
Trying something new doesn't always work out the way we had hoped
Holding on to the end is a valuable part of life's lessons
It's okay if we try something, not like it and not do it again
Families are forever
Families have our backs
Families rally around each other during hard times
Heaven is near when someone is almost there
Giving lots of drugs to suffering, dying people is a good idea
Hospice nurses for the family who is watching the suffering, dying loved one is also a good idea
God gives us promptings to do things that we will be glad we followed through with
Grief is real
So is peace
God's love is real and available
At the end of the day, pull your loved ones close, praise God they returned to you safely
Treasure the good times
And the bad
Most of the time we will laugh about it later
In the end our minds only remember the good times, over time the bad ones fade away because of God's grace
She didn't get to choose her breakfast because Destry and I planned a breakfast that morning for the kids in our trek group. Only one showed up which was a little disappointing, but not surprising. There is a lot going on this month. Estelle wanted crepes and Destry wanted to make his signature breakfast sandwiches. The good news is she will still get crepes and a chance to make birthday celebrations last a little longer.
Estelle had her last studio dance competition in Roy and Destry spent the day with her at that. She did great, they went to lunch together and picked up a friend on the way home to celebrate a little more. Her team did very well to end the season.
I have let my three older children participate in social media when the turned 14. I had told Estelle several months ago that I have grown wiser and was concerned about her mental health and safety and I was considering having her wait a bit longer. She is struggling with things right now and I have had to make some compromises along the way. I agreed to Instagram only, a private account, and only friends. She was not allowed to follow groups or individuals that she didn't know. She agreed and knew that I would be monitoring her.
Shortly after she and Destry left to go to the competition at 11:00 a.m. I got onto Instagram to follow her. I was shocked to see that she had 193 followers after having just set up her account that morning! Her account was indeed private, but I apparently didn't define what a "friend" was. A 14 year old may indeed be acquainted with nearly 200 people, but they are certainly not actual friends. I was thinking she would have maybe 50 followers including family members! I am not looking forward the conversation that we will be having soon.
Spencer spent the day instructing at the track and went to a wedding reception for a high school friend that night. Taylor went on a 4-wheeler ride to celebrate the beautiful spring weather along with everyone else in the area who owns an ATV. They didn't require anything special from me and both returned home "safe and sound."
Emma went to Morp. She had been planning it for weeks with a friend, Zoe. She was really excited about all of the "day date" activities that were planned, but was not excited at all about the actual dance. She feels awkward and insecure dancing. Fortunately for her they only ended up spending 15 minutes at the dance because the schedule earlier in the day took longer than anticipate and it turns out the music was not dance worthy and everyone was happy to leave early even though they had arrived late.
Sometime between 5 and 5:30 my cell phone rang with the ID reading "private caller." I chose to decline it the first time, but when I received another call immediately afterward I answered. A man identified himself as a highway patrol and quickly (and wisely) mentioned that everything was okay. He proceeded to tell me that he had pulled over a silver Dodge Durango going 95 MPH, which was 30 miles over the speed limit. Not only that, the driver of the car has a different name than I do, but told the officer that it was just fine and that he had been given permission to drive. The officer asked if I had insurance for him and if it was indeed fine. It was indeed not fine; he received no permission to be driving my car, nor did I have insurance for him. I was told the my daughter was in the passenger seat.
I thanked him profusely when he said he thought that as a parent I would want to know. Since, you know, 95 MPH and 6 teenagers is a recipe for disaster. The excuse given for driving so fast was that he was distracted by the music and the other people in the car. I told the officer that I would be calling my daughter immediately and he said that he would be there for another few minutes issuing a citation to the driver.
After hanging up, I immediately called Emma, whom I half expected to be in tears for being pulled over. She was not only not in tears, but didn't seem to fully understand the potential danger they had been in. She told me that she didn't want to drive through the canyon, I-80, from Salt Lake to Park City so her date drove. When I mentioned the distraction, her reply was, "He wasn't that distracted; he wasn't turning around talking to the kids in the back." I feel like I have overestimated her rationality in the past, but because of some things she has said and done in the last few moths since she has found a new friend group, I am changing my mind. The friends, incidentally, are good kids. They all just have underdeveloped brains.
She said she had been having a good time with her friends. I said that she needed to drive the rest of the time and that she had one job, DRIVE, pay attention and be aware the the lives of 5 other humans were in her hands. She was to text me when she left the cabin they were driving to in Heber City and again when she arrived at the dance at Westlake High School. I told her to go through Provo Canyon, which would also be quicker, and not I-80. She assured me that she would and that all would be well.
After I hung up with her I called Destry to let him know and I gave Estelle a heads up on the future paring down of her Instagram list. Destry talked to her a little bit about it and I think she dropped about 25 people, which is a start, but not nearly enough.
Sarah has been a part of a small singing/dancing group since last fall. The past few weeks have been torture for her. She has really lost interest and has even dreaded going. I probably would have let her quit except that before I signed her up I asked about performance dates knowing that Sarah's school play would be performing and May as would this group. They were very accommodating and went to great lengths to make sure that their performances were not on the same days as her play's. Her first performance was that night in the backyard of the director. Most of the kids in the class are significantly younger than she is, they sing with a recording, and the dancing is a bit juvenile. I can see why she didn't love it. She only has to go one more time on Monday at a retirement home. We will take the family for FHE because I was the only one who watched her on Saturday. She really doesn't want them to come, but they will be.
To finish up the rest of the day's story, I need to backtrack to Thursday. I visited my aunt Karen in a rehab facility in Lehi that day. She has been in and out of the hospital and rehab a couple of times since December, including a week in ICU this most recent time. She has several things going on with her, simply, she is aging and her body is wearing out. She has dementia, but not so badly that she doesn't recognize people. Her short-term memory is failing her a bit. She seemed to be improving some since I had seen her a few days earlier, but her quality of life is not very quality and it is not likely to improve much.
After visiting Karen,I thought to myself that I hadn't seen my aunt Neva for several weeks and decided to pay her and Kristy a visit.. When I went it wasn't really a convenient time, but I didn't put off the thought. I stayed longer than was probably practical since I had kids to transport, dinner to prepare, and mutual to attend. I was, however, uplifted by my visit. I was glad I had gone and everything else I needed to do that day got done.
Around midday on Friday I got a call from Kristy telling me that she thought her mother had had another stroke and had fallen in the bathroom and had probably broken her arm as it was turned and twisted in an unnatural position. She said that Neva was on her way to Utah Valley Hospital in Provo via ambulance and that she would soon be following. After a battery of tests it was determined that she did indeed have a stroke and that both shoulders were broken. She was in a lot of pain in ICU, but was only given Tylenol. She had been given a strong blood thinner that caused her brain to bleed and could also cause hemorrhaging elsewhere in her body so the drug was stopped. Neva has already had several other strokes and heart attacks. She had a "do not resuscitate" order in place and had received hospice care at home until December of last year following a heart attack; however, her health improved enough that she was removed. She is currently in the hospice section of the hospital receiving comfort medications, but no life-saving implements.
I had been texting and Marco Polo messaging family members throughout the day on Saturday. Wendy, Karen's daughter, wondered if we could go to visit Neva together Saturday night. I had considered going myself on Sunday morning because it would be fairly late before I would be able to go because of Sarah's concert and I felt like I had had a full enough day. Wendy had talked to Kristy and she didn't care if we came that night or on Sunday, Wendy wouldn't be able to go until Sunday afternoon, and Destry encouraged me to go on Saturday. So, at 8:30 p.m. I picked up Wendy in Lehi and drove to Provo. I was glad to spend time with her. I visit her mother frequently, but Wendy is always at work when I go. Wendy carries the heavy burden of caring for her mother and has done for several years. The two have not ever lived apart. It was good to catch up and enjoy her company.
Neva had just been taken up to her room in the hospice section from the ICU shortly before Wendy and I arrived. The nurse was giving information and instructions to Kristy, Michael, and Kira. Neva was awake and alert. She was not able to talk, but could nod her head "yes," or "no" in response to questions. I asked her a few things and told her I loved her and that I was so glad I got to see her on Thursday when she was in a lot better shape. Her eyes showed love and gratitude that we were there and I am so glad that we got there when we did. She was in a lot of pain from her fractures. The nurse gave her a couple of medications which helped ease the pain, but also made her go to sleep. She slept for most of the time we were there. She will not likely wake up again. We were told that hearing is the last thing to go and she will be able to hear even if she is unresponsive. I remember being told this when we said our goodbyes to my grandma Bleak. Even so, I feel so very blessed and happy to have arrived in time to look into her eyes and have her return the gaze.
I ended the day by talking with Emma about hers. She beat me home. I had an eventful day, with many lessons learned or reiterated. Here are the day's take aways:
Birthdays require days long celebrations
Estelle is 14
It is good to have two parents when multiple children need support at the same time in different locations
Being part of a group or team is good for the soul
Social media is can be a volatile part of our lives, but keeps us connected to people we wouldn't otherwise associate with regularly
Moms and teens communicate differently
We have different definitions of the same words
Parents need to be very specific when talking to teens and need to think of any possible consequences when moving into new territory
Driving on a race track can be safer than the highway
Driving an ATV in the sunshine is good for the soul and possibly safer than a car on the highway
When giving a teenager the keys to your car, always make sure they know they are the only person who is allowed to drive it
Highway patrol officers have our backs, are looking out for our kids, and kindly inform parents of dangerous circumstances
We have a lot of silver cars
The human brain can process and think a lot of information in a millisecond. Between the time the officer said the words "silver" and "Durango" I thought, "Oh no! What did Spencer do--silver Miata at the race track; Taylor drives a silver car, but he is here right now?"
Dating is fun
Friends are fun
Trying something new doesn't always work out the way we had hoped
Holding on to the end is a valuable part of life's lessons
It's okay if we try something, not like it and not do it again
Families are forever
Families have our backs
Families rally around each other during hard times
Heaven is near when someone is almost there
Giving lots of drugs to suffering, dying people is a good idea
Hospice nurses for the family who is watching the suffering, dying loved one is also a good idea
God gives us promptings to do things that we will be glad we followed through with
Grief is real
So is peace
God's love is real and available
At the end of the day, pull your loved ones close, praise God they returned to you safely
Treasure the good times
And the bad
Most of the time we will laugh about it later
In the end our minds only remember the good times, over time the bad ones fade away because of God's grace
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