"Jesus, Savior, Pilot Me"

As a mother stills her child,     

Thou canst hush the ocean wild;

From August to November of last year, Taylor has had four witnessed and likely two other grand mal seizures; all of them in his sleep. By the time he'd had his sixth the Sunday before Thanksgiving, I had reached the end of my rope. It was terrifying to see him stiffen, shake, foam at the mouth and turn purple for many minutes. This particular seizure was the worst and the longest. We were struggling to get him seen by a neurologist and I had decided to call the paramedics for the fourth time and this time to have him transported to the hospital even if he regained consciousness. He needed to be fast tracked to testing and medication. 

Little did I know that that call would take me down a path I never in a million years imagined I would be on.  To summarize what happened after the paramedics arrived, they pushed me out of Taylor's room and refused to give me the time of day. Never mind, he has a complex medical history that would have been useful for them to know. They decided to ignore me and instead, ask his roommates questions. I love his roommates and they know a good deal about Taylor and they care for him. They were good secondary sources of information if I had not been there. But I was there and yet was not allowed "in the room where it happened." (Disney+ Hamilton). 

Taylor currently lives across the street from me, which I find very convenient. I was wearing a robe at the time I ran across the street to check on him after receiving a call from his roommate Ethan. While the paramedics were doing their thing, I ran back home to put on clothes to wear to the hospital. In the meantime two police officers arrived, which I thought nothing of until one of them wouldn't allow me near my son. He went so far as to physically pull me out the the room and push me up against a wall and yelled at me things like, "This is your fault! You're the reason I'm here, etc. etc. etc."  The paramedics then decided to drag a semiconscious young man out of his room rather than carrying him. I followed the ambulance to the hospital. Taylor gained full consciousness shortly before arriving. He remembers going to bed the night before then waking up in the ambulance and nothing in between. 

I sent letters to the police chief, fire chief, mayor and city attorney relating my experience and the emotions that went with it. The police chief responded within two hours and I had a meeting with his assistant a few days later. While we did not see eye to eye on the subject, I appreciated the gesture and have been able to move past that part of the ordeal. It has been over a month and I have yet to meet with the fire chief. I sent a fourth email this morning.

While I was sitting in the chapel waiting for Sacrament Meeting to begin, I was feeling like a insignificant drop of water in an immense ocean. I feel like my family and I have been wronged. It would be easier to just forget about it and move on, but I do not want anyone else to go through the experience I had so I sent the letters. I have a lot of emotions surrounding the event. I have been a pretty strong supporter of our men and women in uniform, but my trust has been shaken and I feel like there are systemic issues too large for me to even comprehend, much less do anything about. I will be happy if there is at least a small awareness and a small change for the people in my community.

The second verse of the congregational intermediate hymn began with these words, As a mother stills her child, Thou canst hush the ocean wild."  A mother calming her child and the ocean metaphor struck me because I had just been thinking about a recent time I was unable to still my child and was feeling like I had been thrown into "the ocean wild." 

Boist'rous waves obey thy will

When thou say'st to them, "Be still!"

Wondrous Sov'reign of the sea,

Jesus, Savior, pilot me.  

I said a silent prayer pleading for the Sov'reign of the sea to pilot me as I figure out how to take care of Taylor and how to hold people creating the boist'rous waves accountable for their actions.